Cocooned in my own responsibilities





I've been feeling overwhelmed to the point of anxiety.  I can feel the tiny pins and needles shakes going through my body, the fuzzy cobwebs clouding my brain, pushing out any actual thought processes and only allowing me to see whatever is the next crisis.

Last night in bed, I was still whirling with emotions to the point where I couldn't concentrate on my book.  Reading is what I do to fall asleep.  Without reading, there is not sleep.  Without calmng the brain, there is no reading.  I had one sleepless night a week ago, I did not need another.

While my brain spun down its threads of thought, it came up with an analogy.  I am wrapped in a cocoon of needs that are all pulling at me.  One silken thread is picking up the children from robotics, another is the living room that need to be picked up, yet another is that connection with a friend that has slipped because it is difficult to carve out time.  The threads are too numerous to count, but altogether form a web which surrounds me.  Each thread is something I want, something I chose, and yet, there are so many they are smothering me.

I envision crawling out of that cocoon.  I exit it as if I was crawling out of sleeping bag.  I emerge in the woods and, with no one and nothing to connect to me,  All threads are gone, left behind. In my vision, I have a weekend's worth of time with no worries, no responsibilies.  I have only myself to consider.  I am free, if only for a moment.

Yes, I need a vacation.

Now, who wants to pay for that for me? And drive my children all over hell and back while refereeing arguments take care of my children for the duration of said vacation?

Yeah, I didn't think so.  Don't worry, I don't blame you.


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