Why, oh why, am I always f*cked


It seems that I must have done something to offend the Universe.  Really, Universe, I'm sorry.  Whatever it was, I take it back.  I totally didn't mean it.  Please, please, pretty please?

You see, I can never, ever, EVER get ahead in life.  If it's not one thing, it's another.  And not just a small other, a great big fucking OTHER. 

Take for instance, January of 1994.  My jaw locked shut and wouldn't open.  Great.  Five years and about $10,000 later, I'm all better.  Yes, I did have insurance, good question.

A few uneventful years pass and then, BAM, another shitstorm.  Have a baby.  Get hospitalized a week later after some lovely PTSD creating episodes involving the health care community.  Heap onto that 1) a broken dryer, 2) a broken refrigerator, 3) a broken car, 4) a toilet leaking through to the basement ceiling, 5) a popped waterbed mattress and 6) a dead hot water heater. All of that, within three months of the baby's birth.  I have no idea why I had postpartum depression, do you?

It really doesn't end there.  I also had thyroid surgery a few months later.  A hysterectomy followed a few years after that.  Multiple crowns and root canals for the teeth that never had a cavity prior to the kids. 

Every time I get even slightly caught up, life comes along and bitch slaps me.  "What? You think you deserve money in savings? Regular oil changes? Who do you think you are?"

This year I thought that finally our tax returns could be used to pay for our bankruptcy.  Yes, bankruptcy - those medical and other bills don't pay for themselves.  But no, we can't pay that, we have to use $3,000 to fix my car. 

Just this month I was finally in an ok place.  The bills are all paid and we aren't scared that the old bank account will be overdrawn.  Maybe we could buy some holiday gifts and stash them away.  Start paying on that bankruptcy.  So what happens? Electrical outage. Yes somewhere between our house and our outdoor fuse box, somewhere in our backyard, a wire is messed up.  We have electricity randomly through our house, it's basically half working.  We have to get an electrician out here to find and repair the damage.

When will it ever end? When will I stop being fucked? Why can't I catch a break E-V-E-R?



  • Anonymous | October 8, 2012 at 11:40 PM

    Aw, Shawn, I'm sorry. You are an amazing person. I'm sorry your having to struggle with so much. You will get through this. (And in the meantime, remember that you are an awesome mother with two wonderful girls who would be lost without you.)
    I'm not often a huggy kind of person, but I'm sending you a big cyber-hug (((( <3 ))))

  • Aaronious | October 8, 2012 at 11:43 PM

    I completely sympathize and understand.The last 4-5 years has just been a downward spiral for me, no matter what I try to do to fix/alleviate/go-with-the-flow etc.
    Cheating wife and divorce. Loose the house I found and loved in said divorce, along with 99% of the people I thought were friends. Move and live in a friend's spare bedroom for half a year. Find a house, buy it. Get in horrible debt fixing it up. Have unpaid back taxes and monthly bills and student loans pill up. Get behind on house payments. Foreclosure. Live in same friend's spare bedroom for four months saving money to find a rental while everything I own is in a storage unit the size of a 2-Car garage piled high crushing the bottom items. Find a small apartment 1/4 the size of the house and move in slowly, unpacking, and getting rid of the majority of things (so not all bad I suppose). Compound unpaid speeding ticket because I have no money which results in revoked license. Then loose job because the grant ended two years sooner than anticipated so I'm jobless. I've been jobless since the end of of July, so over two months and not one single unemployment check yet because I messed up and then they dicked me over.
    Things are looking great.

    So many of us live day to day with NO safety net and any little thing can blow up in our face. It's amazing how quickly it can snowball and crush you.

  • Shawn Walter | October 9, 2012 at 7:59 AM

    Thanks, Cyndy. I do try and remember the good things.

  • Shawn Walter | October 9, 2012 at 8:00 AM

    Aaron, I'm so sorry. If you ever need a spare room in the Fort to crash in, lmk. You haven't lost this friend.

  • randomsugarwords | October 9, 2012 at 10:12 AM

    Here's hoping for a break soon. I've taken my share of shit sandwich bites the last month, not not nearly as big a bite as you have sweetie. I hope you can keep treading water until things turn around. (hugs)

  • Kelly | October 9, 2012 at 12:47 PM

    Ugh!! I hope things get sorted out quickly. I totally understand feeling like you can't catch a break.

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.