Tired and bitching, you probably should ignore this one.

The birthdays are all done.  Halloween and Thanksgiving, fond memories.  All that stretches ahead of me is Christmas.  And so we are mired in the part I love and hate.

We are busy.  Crazy busy.  There is all the usual stuff, quasi-school, 4H, pony lessons, work, etc, but then you add in all the extras like parties and choir practices and caroling.  Yes, I do love those things.  And I want to do them.  But then all of the sudden it's Friday and you realize this is the 6th night in a row that you haven't been at home.  And you haven't been home during the day either.  (Bite me you "homeschoolers aren't socialized" people.) 

You are palpably tired.  Exhausted to the marrow of your bones.  Either I'm getting old or my chronic fatigue never fully left or some blend of the two, but I am truly exhausted without being sleepy-tired.  I get plenty of sleep.  Still, my joints and muscles ache and I'm worn down to a nub.  I've had headaches and I never get headaches.

Then there's the shopping.  I've finished the kids and I LOVE shopping for them (my Love Language is gifts,) my problem is all those other people.  I've whittled it down to the bare minimum, and yet, here I sit, 11 days until Christmas with a pile of things to do and no patience or energy to do them. 

What do I have to do that should already be done?
  • Christmas boxes - we do a letter and symbolic small things to tell the story of our year.  We send this to 4 different families who do the same for us.  They are wonderful and meaningful and it's always impossible to find the things you decide you want to put in there.  One year I wanted small toy snakes for something or other and there was not a single toy snake in the state of Colorado.  As soon as the box was mailed, toy snakes rained from the sky.  That's how it works, people
  • Christmas letter - my brothers are getting letters this year.  I have no energy or money to spend on gifts for them.  They never send me gifts, rarely a card.  We are pretty much estranged, though I see some of them occasionally and hear about them through my parents.  Still, need to write the letter.  It will be much the same as the letter that goes into the aforementioned boxes.  
  • Mail gift cards/card to my parents.  
  • Get Brian's gift.  I have a couple small things but there is one bigger thing I want to get him and I need to do it.
  • Wrap all the stuff.  Hate that part.
  • Clean the house.
  • Decorate the house.  The tree's up, that's about it.
  • Send the check for the 4H field trip in January.  That is supposed to be there no later than Monday, crap!
  • Call the dentist.  They called the other day and said we have a "small balance."  That means that whatever they thought insurance would cover, insurance didn't completely cover.  Not a lot of money, I'm sure, but another thing to deal with and pay for.
  • Call the Extension office and get the kids transferred into our new 4H club.  
  • Pay the bills - woohoo 
  • Take the dog back to the vet for her 2nd Lepto shot
  • Schoolwork? Yeah, that's done for the year, see ya in January.

Not to mention I wish I could do small gifts for all my friends.  The people who help me out in small and large ways throughout the year.  And I want to send out 100 cards each year like I used to do.  Reach out in that small way to friends far and near.  

I feel like a huge failure some days.  Other days, I feel great about how I've focused my energy, time and money on my immediate family and made things special for my kids.  All the days find me worn out and not getting enough done.

Where are the people who love and enjoy this season? How do they do it? I want the secrets.  And I don't mean a list of how to organize all the crap you have to do.  I want to know how to be freakishly happy about the season.  I want to embrace and love December without getting overwhelmed and hating myself.  How do I do that? I can enjoy it and get waaaayyyy behind in my responsibilities or I can get shit done and be stressed. I can't have both.  I don't know how.

This is your Holiday reminder to vote. All you do is click, which takes you to the website where you then do nothing. Or you can do something, but you don't have to do something. It's easy. Thanks :)


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