Finally it is September and FINALLY, ten days in, we are getting some relief from the heat. Still, it is not making me content. While I do love the cool, rainy days, the edge of autumn appearing in the tree's leaves and the air's scent. It has not calmed my inner soul.
If anything I am more discontent than ever. I pretty much hate everything and want to change it.
First of all, my phone. My cell phone is a huge pain in the ass. It decides when it will ring, usually to tell me about a voice mail left two days ago as opposed the to call coming in right. now. Its coverage sucks. I have no bars in parts of our town, neighboring towns, when the wind is blowing, when it's not. I did a bit of research and bought a new phone on a new plan that hopefully has better coverage, definitely has cheaper rates. It is still no-contract. And the phone was expensive, for me anyway, but the savings in the plan will pay for the phone in little over six months. Hopefully I won't hate this fucking phone too.
Next, I'm fed up with my radio station. It used to play "alternative" music from 90's-today. Now it's gone and started playing dubstep dance crap. (Sorry if that is what you like.) And, even worse, it repeats. If I hear that damn Jack Johnson whistling song for the third time in ONE DAY, then you, radio station, are done. I am on a search for a new radio station but haven't found one yet. You would think I could just use my iPod for music but no. I perpetually have trouble with my computer refusing to recognize my iPod and then I have to take it back to factory settings. Re-setting up all of my programs and apps, putting in all the passwords again, figuring out how I had it all arranged - it makes me angry just thinking about it, therefore I have the same music on my iPod that I've had on there for many months. And yes, I'm tired of it.
Now, that's not ALL I'm tired of. I'm also tired of our tv. Yes, it's old (like 1999?) but I expect them to live. for. ever. I should never have to buy a new one unless I want to upgrade features, which I don't. The tv does not care and has started to randomly turn itself off. Sure, you can turn it back on, and that may work for awhile, days even, but eventually it will turn off again. And it may not work either. It may keep shutting itself off several times in a row, for your viewing pleasure. So I am sick and tired of the tv and just want a new one. One I can hang on the wall. Then I could move out the big entertainment center, paint the wall, hang the tv, and be done. But, well, that does cost money, doesn't it. Crap.
Speaking of money, my car is going to be rolling on into 200,000 miles soon. Where is my sugar daddy to buy me a new one?
I know that all of this discontent is just a reflection of my inner discontent. I'm aggravated with things around me because things are wrong within. My inner turmoil from the past summer has not resolved. My outer life is crazy with business and children, children who are having behavior issues while dealing with their own feelings surrounding losing their cousin. What do I do? I get tense and grouchy and unhappy with little things that maybe I can fix. But fixing them won't solve anything. I know that.
Still, I have to try.
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* - not even scientifically studied. If it has been, I have not read about it.
** - not true
*** - totally NOT a coincidence
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