Yesterday the children had my iPod and apparently had a LOT of fun with it.  Here are the searches I found:

• Nothing Joe search on the web
• dog
• for 
• ready data
• Friday
• cute animals
• a creeper from mine craft
• Wow I just travel back in time to dinosaur time are call
• ...
• We should go outside
• sing poops
• pray pray that blockbuster Lopane
• Delete Salems
• are there any games that I could schedule a meeting
• come farted
• pray pray the Black australopithecine net

I asked Sandis about some of the bizarre things I found.  

She claims they were playing with Siri.  Ah, Siri, that little voice in the iPod that I have completely ignored.  Apparently it is also the little voice in the iPod which both children think is the best. toy. ever.  While playing with the amazing Siri, "she" misinterpreted their words. According to Sandis, when this happened, Siri would start internet searches.  I am certainly glad that my children say things that can be misinterpreted as "pray pray that blockbuster Lopane."

Another thing Siri can do? Speak chicken.  It's true! Sandis & Stella BOTH told me this story, "I was holding Butterscotch and when she said, 'brrooock,' Siri thought she said the 'f-word!'"  

I think that is an apt description of what the chicken was probably saying while being toted around the yard by two cackling children shoving a sweetly-speaking rectangle in her face.  I'm sure it's what I would have been thinking in her situation.  Chickens, not surprisingly, have no filter from brain to beak and just blurt out whatever they are thinking.  Luckily, it's not often interpreted.  

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Did you know that clicking is scientifically proven* to be good for your health and well-being? True**! And you can vote for me and my blog by clicking! Coincidence***? Improve your health today by clicking here.  Or here.  And once again here.  Just for good measure, click here.  Your body will thank you later****!

Fine print
*       - not even scientifically studied.  If it has been, I have not read about it.
**     - not true
***   - totally NOT a coincidence
**** - your body won't care at all.  Thanks will not be forthcoming.

After having a busy and eventful summer, not always in a good way, I declared last week "Walter Girls Family Fun Week."  Everyday we would do something fun that we'd been wanting to do but hadn't gotten around to doing or hadn't done as much as we would have liked.

Why last week? Well, it was the first time we weren't scheduled to the MAX this summer.  There was no violin.  No play practice.  No puppetry practice.  No soccer, camp, 4H.  Yes, there was still dance practice and therapy, but that was all we had to worry about.

Onward to FUN!

Monday was pottery painting.  Stella painted a triple pig bank, Sandis, a turkey complete with top hat, and myself, a butter dish

Really bad picture of mediocre pottery

Tuesday was bowling.  You know that "Kids Bowl Free" program? Yeah, this is probably the first time in 3 years or so we've used a coupon.  Of course you have to pay for shoe rentals.  And if you have my children, you also have to buy socks because they forgot to wear and/or bring any.

Wednesday we took the dogs to the river to play. This didn't last too long as it was cool that day so the girls soon got too cold for the river.

The dogs sporking.  Yes, spork is not only what Tonks *is* but also what she *does*

The children luring the dogs into the water with potato chips

Thursday we went to the Denver Museum of Nature & Science.  There we saw Sharks 3D on IMAX followed by time in Expedition Health (for the millionth time) and the dioramas.  On the way home, we stopped and picked up our newest bunny, Radegast.

Surly pre-teenager reluctantly posing for a photograph

Guess what Stella found? Yep, poop.

Friday was movie day.  We saw Turbo at the $2 theater.  If you haven't seen it, save your money.  The only redeeming bit was that there was a Samuel L. Jackson snail.  Otherwise, just mix up Cars with any other feel-good, happy-ending Disney-esque movie, and you've got the gist of it.

It was quite relaxing to not have to think too much about where we had to be and what we should be doing for a week.  Of course, it wasn't completely relaxing because I still have manic girl and surly pre-teen.  Still, I think we should do this at least once a year from here on out!


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Did you know that clicking is scientifically proven* to be good for your health and well-being? True**! And you can vote for me and my blog by clicking! Coincidence***? Improve your health today by clicking here.  Or here.  And once again here.  Just for good measure, click here.  Your body will thank you later****!

Fine print
*       - not even scientifically studied.  If it has been, I have not read about it.
**     - not true
***   - totally NOT a coincidence
**** - your body won't care at all.  Thanks will not be forthcoming.

 

Didn't have BIG plans for the weekend, but did think it would be kind of fun.  Start with Saturday morning trip to a small livestock swap where they were demoing rabbit cage building.  Then Sunday either a movie or New West Fest.  Not too bad, kind of laid back, right?

No, not so much.

Saturday morning we went to take care of the animals we've been watching for a week or so.  Kitty is not doing well.  Ok, so he hasn't been doing well for quite some time (months) but today, he is bad.  Instead of feeding everyone and then hopping in the car and driving to the swap, we hop in the car and take kitty to the vet.

I am so NOT ok with this.  I am freaking out.  A million thoughts running through my head.  Is this my fault? Are they going to think it's my fault? Why aren't they here when their kitty is dying? Why am I having make end of life decisions for someone else's cat? Or if I don't, then I'm deciding to spend megabucks of someone else's money on their dying cat.  WTF do I do!?!

So, took kitty to the vet.  Things are as bad as I thought.  Poor old-man kitty :(  The vet and I were finally able to get a hold of the owners and they were able to take over the kitty decisions.

An hour late to leave, we start driving to the swap.  Swap is 2 hours, we'll get to be there for one hour.  Hopefully, we'll arrive in time for the demo and to talk with other crazy people who love chickens and bunnies (and other assorted animals.)  All was going well until about 5 miles from our destination when traffic stopped.  Yes, we did occasionally move, but those last 5 miles took us about 30 minutes, meaning we'd only have 30 minutes at the swap/  Ok, great.  I'm not stressing out.  I'm not pissed.  Ok, yes, I'm BOTH of those things.

Then we get off at the exit where the swap is supposed to be and we can't find it.  Yes, we have GPS, I looked at a map, I know the address...it's not there.  Stop in at the visitor's center.  Two lovely old ladies look at me as if I have 3 heads when I ask where the street is.  They've never even heard of the street the swap is supposedly on.  They get out ye olde map booke from 1602 and look it up.  They bicker over how to look it up and what this column means, and oh is it "street" or "drive"? Time is tick, tick, ticking away.

Finally they find it and off we drive.  The street they told us to go to is closed.

Fuck it, we're going home.  With ice-cream on the way home.  Yes, that's what we're doing.  Saying "fuck it" and eating ice-cream.  Yeah, take that, shitty morning!



Sunday did not improve things.  There was a certain child who shall remain nameless (Stella) who decided to be a manic girl despite meds.  She's been like this ALL WEEK but when you get to the end of the weekend, well, at some point you've just had enough.  There was supposed to be a movie afternoon with kids seeing Epic and grownups seeing Star Trek, but instead it was no one seeing anything because the damn child won't do anything except what she wants and thinks is funny at that moment.  It could be saying, "poopy poop poop" over and over in iambic pentameter.  It could be beating her sister in rhythm with the songs on the radio.  It could be saying "why" to every. last. thing. on. earth. in such a way as to imply her total disgust with you and the world at large.  And, for a final straw, it could be giggling when her dad tries to explain to her how if she can't stop, we can't go to the movies.

Yep, no movies.

So, I'd like a do-over.  Not just for the weekend.  Nope, for the whole fucking year.  It's not been a good one by any means.  It started with putting our dog down and after a string of pet deaths and other disappointments, got to the final horror of my nephew.  Not to end there, the year had to keep beating me down.  This past weekend is like a small, evil snapshot of how my year has gone.

And there are still over 4 months left.

And my word for the year was supposed to be "joy."

It should have been "fuck."

Our week at the Larimer County Fair, complete with lyrics to my bastardized version of the most excellent song "One Week" by the Barenaked Ladies.  Enjoy.



It's been one week since our Fair debut
Hustled off to be interviewed
Five days since animals came to stay
Get all the rabbits and chicks put away
Four days since the rabbit show
Thought it would be a partial day, what do I know?
Today we're still going strong, can I ever be alone?
Hey, it'll still be one day till I say I'm done

Hold it now and watch the dress-a-bunny
And it make you stop, think
You'll think you're looking at M&Ms
I summon kids to the barns, to clean the cages,
Feed the rabbits
Hot like Colorado, storms just for fun
Big flood and hail
'Cause I want to be locked inside
Bits n Pieces got the mad cows
Ok they're not mad, but I'm sure they are bovine
Gonna make a break and take a shower,
'Cause I'm a stinkin' achin' mess

Gotta see the rodeo, 'cause then you'll know
Crazy people ride on bulls
For awhile
Then they're flying off through the air.

How can I help if I think it's fun even when its mad
Tryin' hard to smile though I feel dead
I'm the kind of gal who keeps going still
Can't understand what I mean? Well, you soon will
I have the tendancy to wear myself to a nub
I have a history of taking a nap, but I can't

It's been one week since our Fair debut
Hustled off to be interviewed
Five days since animals came to stay
Get all the rabbits and chicks put away
Four days since the rabbit show
Thought it would be a partial day, what do I know?
Today we're still going strong, can I ever be alone?
Hey, it'll still be one day till I say I'm done


Butterscotch the brand new chicken
Jojo gone, I'm not heartbroken
Watchin' awards shows, what a scene
We're dans petit arene
I hope Stella gets something in this one
Like Sandis did for rabbits,
And for Vet Science,
And for record book,
I think little sister's gonna blow
Gotta remind her
She did her Champion in June
They're dancing Pueblo soon
Gotta get across the fair
Gotta see the kids exhibits and try to stare,
But not so long I fall asleep
Gotta get to see the Open class
Cause that's last,
Before I tip my glass.

How can I help if I think it's fun even when its mad
Tryin' hard to smile though I feel dead
I'm the kind of gal who keeps going still
Can't understand what I mean? Well, you soon will
I have the tendency to wear myself to a nub
I have a history of taking a nap, but I can't

It's been one week since our Fair debut
Hustled off to be interviewed
Five days since animals came to stay
Get all the rabbits and chicks put away
Four days since the rabbit show
Thought it would be a partial day, what do I know?
Today we're still going strong, can I ever be alone?
Hey, it'll still be one day till I say I'm done
It'll still be one day till I say I'm done
Get those poster boards and go home...

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Did you know that clicking is scientifically proven* to be good for your health and well-being? True**! And you can vote for me and my blog by clicking! Coincidence***? Improve your health today by clicking here.  Or here.  And once again here.  Just for good measure, click here.  Your body will thank you later****!

Fine print
*       - not even scientifically studied.  If it has been, I have not read about it.
**     - not true
***   - totally NOT a coincidence
**** - your body won't care at all.  Thanks will not be forthcoming.

I hate summer.  And hot flashes.  Summer and hot flashes at the same time? Brutal.  Which explains this cranky post.  To me at least.  And that is all that matters.

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There are so many cutesy ways to have your baby's gender revealed to you these days.  They all start with, "have the ultrasound tech put the gender in an envelope," after which you can do many different things.  For instance:

• Give said envelope to a baker and instruct them to bake a cake in either pink or blue. Frost in white.  When the cake is cut, the gender is revealed!
• Choose two outfits at a store.  Give them both to the cashier and have them secretly put only the correct gender one in the bag after reading the envelope's contents.
• Get a box full of balloons in either pink or blue, depending on the gender in the envelope.  Release balloons with much fanfare and to the detriment of wildlife everywhere.  
• There's even a moronic lovely paint fight idea where the paint proprietor gives you the corresponding color paint, which you then throw at each other for photos to send out announcing your baby's gender.

You know what? You want to be surprised? Hello, WAIT UNTIL THE BABY IS BORN.

Why make a fake surprise? If you want to find out, ok, do it, but just find out! You can't have a surprise on your own terms! It is no longer a surprise if you dictate the terms.  That's like saying, "Oh well, I decided to do Christmas on December 9th this year.  Why? Well, we had all these surprises, but we didn't want to wait another 16 days.  No, we needed to know what was in the gifts NOW.  Why? Well, because we could."

And don't give me the old, "I have to find out the gender so I can plan," crap.  A newborn needs basically nothing.  Diapers, boobs - those are essential.  Clothes, sure, but here's a newsflash, the baby doesn't care what it wears.  Really, color is immaterial to them.  They have no preconceived notions about pink being for girls, (which really is a recent thing anyway, historically speaking.  Pink used to be for boys.) And the nursery? Pfft! My babies never used anything in a nursery, but even if they do, they don't care about the decor or colors there either.  Again, if you want to find out, find out, but don't make excuses.

And should I get started on gender stereotypes? No, I probably shouldn't because it irritates me way too much.  It makes me want to go back to school for women's studies and rant at people.  I'll just say that stereotypes hurt everyone and leave it at that.  

For now.

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Did you know that clicking is scientifically proven* to be good for your health and well-being? True**! And you can vote for me and my blog by clicking! Coincidence***? Improve your health today by clicking here.  Or here.  And once again here.  Just for good measure, click here.  Your body will thank you later****!

Fine print
*       - not even scientifically studied.  If it has been, I have not read about it.
**     - not true
***   - totally NOT a coincidence
**** - your body won't care at all.  Thanks will not be forthcoming.