I used to plan field trips and I still do volunteer work that requires I send out information and could receive questions back. You know what drives an introvert to not volunteer to do such things? Stupid emails. They are an intrusion into my life to which I am required to respond. Yes, many of the emails are completely valid. Questions where the information is not in the email/flyer I sent out. Or a special case that is really warranted - an allergy or something of that nature. But soooo many are people who don't pay attention or want special treatment.
This is the type of email I might send out if I was planning a field trip. It would read something like:
Here are the details for our FunLandSuperFun trip! Can't wait to see everyone there.
- Date: Tuesday, September 5th
- Time: 8:50am. Our tour starts at 9am sharp! It takes 30 minutes to get there from OurTown, please plan on that. If you are going to be late, please call xxx.xxxx and we'll let you know where in the tour to meet us.
- What to bring: Lunch, water bottle, sunscreen, sweatshirt/light jacket
- Cost: $5/kid, $10/adult, <5yrs old/free
- www.linktomap.com
- www.funlandsuperfunwebsite.com
RSVPs:
- Apple Family (3)
- Ball Family (4)
- Cougar-Dalmation Family (2)
- etc
It's a simple, straight-forward, all the info is there and nothing else email. Could there be questions? Sure. But here will be the typical responses I will receive:
- We can't make it until 9:30am, could you back the start time up a bit?
- Tuesday's aren't good for us, because of blahblahblah and they aren't good for FamilyX either and FamilyY does thisotherthing on Tuesdays. Can you set up another trip for Wednesday?
- What day is it on again?
- We didn't RSVP and I know registration closed 3 weeks ago, but can we come?
- How much does it cost?
- I can't go to www.linktomap.com from my phone, could you just email me the instructions, preferably written in Sanskrit, on how to get there. I don't have time to get on the computer at home.
- My kid isn't allergic to anything but we're avoiding peaches because it might help with something. Can you be sure that no one brings peaches on the trip. I don't want my 10 year old to accidentally get a hold of one. Plus she hates it when other people eat peaches and she can't. [note: real allergy concerns, totally valid. And if you want to avoid foods, go for it. I've done it myself w/my kids. But totally NOT the organizer's issue.]
- Can you arrange carpooling? I can't possibly do it myself, I'm too busy and I don't understand email.
- Should I bring a lunch or is that provided? If it's not, can you see if we can have a lunch provided? Of course it goes without saying that it would need to be organic vegan sushi.
- whatt ime does itstart?
- I'd really like it better if we planned this as an overnight trip. Why don't you do that.
- IS IT FREE? AND WHEN IS IT? CAN I BRING MY 3 YR OLD? ARE THEY FREE?
- i never got the original email about this trip because i don't read my emails so i didn't know about it and i want to come can i come please pretty please
- Why doesn't it cost $4.75 for kids? My cousin's brother's girlfriend's friend's grocer's kid went here as a school trip 3 years ago and they said they totally got in for that price. You need to call.
- I don't know if we can make it, but if we can, can we just show up that morning?
- I don't think we'll make it because our hamster misses us too much.
- I can't read this email attachment because the format is .doc and I can only read reallyolddocumentformateveryonehasforgottenusedtoexist. Could you print it off and mail it to me?
- I don't like to give out my email address or phone number but I will need a reminder the day before so I don't forget to come :) [told to you in person and you have no idea who they are]
In order to not be one of the people above you just have to follow a few simple rules. Really, they are s.i.m.p.l.e.
- Read your email. Yes, I know, I skim stuff. But if there is an email with information about a trip, class, etc, etc, I go back and re-read it thoroughly before asking a question. I also check previous emails from that person. I should NOT bother them because I failed to pay attention. That is my fault, not theirs.
- Realize that the world does not revolve around you. This means that the organizer didn't plan it on a day you couldn't come, she planned it on a day that worked for her - not about you. Also, it's not the organizer's job to arrange extra things or alternatives that you want. You may think you are a specialsnowflake. You're not. You are being a douchecanoe.
- If you say you'll come, then dammit, you come. There are a few acceptable excuses - the kind of things that would keep your kid out of school if they went to public school. And even if you do have a valid excuse, you should still call and let someone know you won't be there. Very few reasons that call couldn't happen..
- Realize that everyone is busy, not just you.
- If your computer is a million years old, have a backup plan. Maybe your spouse could print things at their work or you could make a trip to the library. I realize not everyone is up to date on the newest technology, but if you are still in 2001, it's not everyone else's job to make sure things work for you. Same if you aren't computer literate, find someone to help or teach you.
And I have to say many thanks to those who are considerate. To those who thank people. Those who may occasionally have a conflict, but they work it out. You are the people who keep me going as I deal with the others. I love you guys!!! [and by others I just mean others. Not like The Others on Lost. They are freaky BAD people! They kill and kidnap people. To my knowledge, no one I know or associate with kills and/or kidnaps people. Some of them are just asshats at times. Not nearly as bad as killing and/or kidnapping people.]
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Sandis is becoming a teenager faster than I can shake my fist and cry, "damn kids these days!" Still, she is not quite there yet as evidenced by her little girl-esque tendencies.
For instance, losing everything. She loses things practically every day. Some things are obviously right. in. front. of. her. face. if she would only look. Like the shoes which hide beneath the chair on which she is perched. Or the drink that has hidden itself behind her book.
Other things simply vanish. Take her masking tape. One of her quasi-school classes required a roll of masking tape. She and I purchased this, along with other school supplies. In the car, she put all of her things in to one bag. Upon arriving home, she put this bag in the designated school supply area to await the first day of school. That day arrived and left, the tape, nowhere to be found. Another week passed and the tape did not turn up. It had vaporized, apparently.
She also forgets things. Today she almost left for quasi-school sans backpack because, well, she forgot. On the first day of school she also forgot fabric scraps, thread, the aforementioned tape and other things. Do you know what her response to me was when I asked how she could forget things that were in a specific school supply place? Things that I had asked her if she put in her backpack? She said, completely seriously, without a hint of humor, "You probably need to check my backpack every time to make sure the stuff is in there that I say is in there." I laughed, which was not the response she was expecting. Hello child, you are 10 years old, pack your own school crap. It's sink or swim time, kiddo, you're old enough to take the heat at school when you forget shit.
Today after quasi-school, I asked if she had finally remembered to take everything. Her shocking answer, "I need post-it notes for Shakespeare." I had not heard of this requirement. Yep, she forgot to tell me.
Let's not even go into the things she "doesn't have any" of because she can't find them. Despite the fact that the eye doctor claims she has perfect vision, she can't find an awful lot of things. Often, she doesn't have any shorts, shirts, pants, underwear....yes, it's true. I refuse to give my children clothes. Or maybe, just possibly, it's that I refuse to go into her room and retrieve dirty clothes hidden under things or strewn about? I'll let you decide.
I'm not hopeful that this will end when she hits her actual teen years.
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Stella claims to have not slept at all last night. She says she took her nighttime medicine as well as 2 melatonins. When Sandis came to our bed at 3am, Stella was on her computer. Definitely was up by 7:15am when Brian got up. Not sure if there was any sleep before or in between those points.
This morning she is a crazy manic child playing on her computer. At the moment, she is a happy manic, not a cranky, mean manic, so I'll take it. Still, with that kind of behavior, you'd think it was she, not her sister, who suggested a walk around the block with the chickens. You read that right, they are taking a walk around the block, each girl carrying a chicken. Don't believe me? (It is pretty unbelievable, I know.) Photographic evidence:
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| Sandis, describing to me how much "Prey" will enjoy her walk. Don't ask for an explanation as to why this chicken is named Prey. Or why that is not her only name. It's long and complicated and I usually stop listening after a while so I'm not sure what the conclusion is. |
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| They're off! |
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| Stella: "Mommy, no pictures. Sandis, yes, we need to go around the long block. I don't want to go the short way and neither do the chickens. Look at how much Nemo likes it, cutelittlechickensmushywushy. Ok, we can go the short block but we might have to do it twice. MOMMY, no pictures!!" How could I not take pictures of this? |
I can only imagine that this walk will need to be repeated 3 more times so that all the chickens get a chance, that would only be fair (and Stella is very, VERY into what's fair.)
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One day, Stella decided to create a mace. Not just any mace, one made out of a crab apple with cactus spines found in our yard. She meticulously put each spine into the apple with a tweezers so that the barbed end of the cactus needle pointed out, just like on the cactus.
For the record, she didn't want me to show this to everyone as it's "not a real mace since I didn't put the handle on it." I think it's impressive. She thought it was impressive too when she later stepped on it - ouch! Still, she didn't complain. Much.
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| Picture of viruses - I'm guessing mine is the pointy-stabby bitch |
Yes it's ME who is whiny, not the kids. Well, they are too. Because they are kids. They are always whiny at some point during the day. But enough about them, this is about me being whiny.
I'm sick. Sure, it's just a cold. A nasty head cold with an explodeyourhead headache, slime, raging sore throat and sotiredandachy body. It sucks. I tried to pass it off as allergies which worked for a limited time. You see the symptoms are quite similar. And I do have allergies, and they suck too. But it's gotten too bad to blame on weeds and such. Weeds don't put me to bed before 10pm. Pollens don't ravage my throat. Dammit germs! <shakes fist>
I hate being sick. I don't like having to lie about. Seriously, I want to choose to lie about, not be forced to lie about! I have to lie there in spite of all the things I should be doing for it to be meaningful. This tired, achy mustliedown thing needs to GO!
And then there's the fact that I know the kids will get it. Pretty much inevitable since both their parents are sick. Then I'll have to take care of them and be trapped in my house right when I start feeling better. So not fair.
Plus right NOW they run around like not-sick maniacs creating chaos and mess in their wake while their father and I weakly admonish them to clean up after themselves. I can almost hear their mental laughing at our queries. Once I'm better, the amount of work I'll have to do will make me lie on the couch in earnest.
This is my pity party and I'll cry if I want to, so there!
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How can it be that I have this strange and interesting life of mine and haven't posted anything amusing in a week? Have the children been ill? Or were we just too busy? Not so much. Just not inspired to write, I guess. I a bit of malaise creeping into my life. Not sure what's up with that. The weather is behaving fairly well, I should be happy, dammit!
Well, since it's been a week, I'll give you a quick run down of what we did:
- Last weekend - went to Colorado Springs for Brian to run the Pikes Peak Marathon. Headed down Saturday afternoon and came back Sunday evening. Did a bit of playing at the arcade in Manitou Springs and a quick trip through Garden of the Gods. Was nice to get away, even just overnight.
- Monday - work, lots of work. Also working at the church rummage sale. The children INSISTED we help at the rummage sale, despite the other work I had to do. Sandis actually hid and cried when I told her I thought we might skip working at the rummage sale. WTF, kid? You don't come and talk to me about it, you just run off and hide? I said that to her, in a much more nice and motherly way. She's been moody and shit all week. Damn hormones, I think.
- Tuesday - more work, more rummage sale.
- Wednesday - back to school orientation day for the quasi-school. Same quasi-school, new quasi-location. It is really a pretty awful location. The kids have 4 different buildings in which to have classes - one of which is a garage, another of which is in a bldg that should probably be condemned. Also, PE and recess are in a parking lot. Really? There isn't a better building choice in all of Loveland? Still, it's the teachers/classes that they like so I don't care too much about the location if they don't (and they don't.)
- Wednesday night - Rummage sale SHOPPING! Best rummage sale in the land - it's like our church opens up a thrift store for 4 days. A highly organized and erratically priced thrift store. Seriously, I got a lunchbox similar to a Bento Box for $0.50 and saw a box of maybe 20 plain white pipe cleaners marked at $5.
- Thursday - friends over for the kids then another trip to the rummage sale for jeans for Sandis. Finally got the last of their school supplies for quasi-school. I'm actually glad we get to school supply shop because that's something I always loved as a kid - all the brand spanking new supplies. Still, running around to multiple stores to find GEL glue andnootherkindofglue is a huge pain in the ass. As is looking for 1/4" binders. I did ask the teacher about those and she said 1/2" would be fine. Thank goodness. Do they even make 1/4" binders? Probably they do, and then they'd cost 10x the price of a 1" one. Especially when you can get the 1" ones at thrift stores for like $1.
- Friday - Buckhorn work. In the home stretch for Buckhorn, only 3 weeks left and the room rosters are turned in. Picked up a wooden dollhouse off of Craig's list to make a haunted dollhouse (my newest endeavor - more on that later, with pictures :)
- Friday night - ended the day at CSU's Shakespeare at Sunset - a vaudevillian production of a Comedy of Errors. Well done and highly entertaining! Got to see April & family, and Ryan, who was the pianist for the show. Of course, moody girl was being annoying at our picnic dinner and then refused to sit within three seats of her sister at the play (even if someone was between her and her sister, she needed EMPTY seats too.) Damn not quite teenager who are really only 10 and shouldn't be this moody yet!!!
- Saturday morning - kids and Brian went to the Healthy Kids run. I started cleaning the girls' room. What a horrible job that is! Gave up after a couple hours and will go back another day. Went w/Brian out and got Stella some of the most horrible shoes ever made, toe shoes. As if flip flops aren't bad enough with their one thing between your toes, this has something between each. and. every. toe. Nasty. Makes my toes curl up just thinking about it. And they are expensive. But the girl does run funny in shoes. She reminds me of Hank Azaria's character in The Birdcage, "shoes make me fall down." Sandis was practicing for teenagedom and refused to go to the store with us, being all broody about it. Whatever.
- Saturday afternoon - Came home and took a nap. Then we all went grocery shopping. When we got home I cleaned up the dollhouse and resealed the joints and wobbly bits with glue. Hoping to start painting tomorrow. Brian made dinner, which was interesting since the oven decided not to heat up - only the broiler would work. Fuck. I just replaced the heating element last fall. If the oven is broken, we may be learning to cook using only the stove top, microwave and crock pot as we certainly can't afford a new oven at the moment!
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