A new day has dawned and it appears to be a better one than yesterday. Today math has been completed with not a bit of yelling, screaming or hitting (from anyone, though I'm referring to Stella performing these things.) Do you think it's because I "laid down the law"? I'm not that idealistic, I believe that a different Stella emerged from her bed this morning, one that didn't mind doing a bit of math before playing. It would be nice if we could only do schooly things on days when she's of a mind to do them, but sadly, if I waited for that day, it would never come. Once she figured out I was waiting for that day, she'd be SURE it didn't happen.
You see, Stella is a strong minded kid. She knows what she wants. She will do whatever it takes to get what she wants. If you described a CEO that way, people would praise her (probably him, but let's break the mold, shall we?) But in a 7yr old, people see a defiant child who needs to be put in her place. I see a person who needs some guidance as to how to get along in society. For instance, if you don't want to go to the store, even though we need, say food, sometimes you have to suck it up and go. It is completely fine to say you don't want to go. It's ok to not want to go, even to HATE going. But you cannot hit people just because you don't want to be at the store. I'm not trying to change her thinking, just her way of expressing herself so that she doesn't so negatively impact others (and herself - seriously, who wants to be around a raging tornado?)
It all sounds good in theory. In practice, it's touch and go. But today, I'm going to enjoy the kinder, gentler Stella that has graced our presence :)
My niece had her baby today. A healthy girl. Mom & baby are doing well. Adoptive parents are rooming in at the hospital with the baby.
I am happy for a new baby being born, a family who has so wanted children finally having one. But I am also sad thinking about what my 16yr old niece must be going through. I know this was her choice, but no matter what choice she made, this is a tough, tough day for her.
We aren't close, my niece and I. We are separated by distance, religion, family values...but I still wish I could be there for her physically and emotionally. Let her know that it's ok no matter what she's feeling. It's ok if those feelings change over time. But there is no way to be there for her. The things that are being told to her by those closest to her will over-ride what I say because I'm not there on a daily basis. Because I'm the one with all those weird (ie wrong) liberal ideas (about everything, pretty much.)
Stella told me today that she hopes she doesn't have a baby when she's a teenager and not ready to be a mom yet. I hope so too, Stella. Know that I will give you, and your sister, the tools of self-esteem, family support, unconditional love, and comprehensive sexuality education that will help you make better choices.
I am happy for a new baby being born, a family who has so wanted children finally having one. But I am also sad thinking about what my 16yr old niece must be going through. I know this was her choice, but no matter what choice she made, this is a tough, tough day for her.
We aren't close, my niece and I. We are separated by distance, religion, family values...but I still wish I could be there for her physically and emotionally. Let her know that it's ok no matter what she's feeling. It's ok if those feelings change over time. But there is no way to be there for her. The things that are being told to her by those closest to her will over-ride what I say because I'm not there on a daily basis. Because I'm the one with all those weird (ie wrong) liberal ideas (about everything, pretty much.)
Stella told me today that she hopes she doesn't have a baby when she's a teenager and not ready to be a mom yet. I hope so too, Stella. Know that I will give you, and your sister, the tools of self-esteem, family support, unconditional love, and comprehensive sexuality education that will help you make better choices.
By the time I got up this morning at 10am, Sandis had already finished her school work. She wasn't dressed or anything, but she had done her English, some reading in geography and a section in math.
When I saw Stella, there was already fire in her eyes. Her brow was furrowed, her chin tilted down defiantly. She yelled, "why do we always have to start school just because you get up!" Realize, at this point, I was simply hoping to use the bathroom and hadn't said one word. Things went downhill from there. We spent 5, yes 5, hours going round and round about her 1 section of math (2 pages), 3 pages of English (identifying which letters should be capitalized) and 5 pages of geography (not full pages, mind you, pictures filled up most of the space.) This amount of work, if you did it slowly, might take an hour. But she had to yell, throw fits, scream, kick, scratch, cry and shriek over the injustice of it all. Why couldn't she do one thing an hour? She couldn't do it because I kept talking. How could she work when Sandis was breathing?
I laid down the law. This was over. It was her fault and no one else's that her work wasn't done. If someone was bothering her, she could go in a room by herself with her work, there were many choices. If it was too hard, she could ask for help. There would be no more yelling or screaming or hurting of people. She is expected to do her school work and her chores. If she can't do that, I can start calling schools and find one for her.
My expectations are not that high. I don't make them do that much in volume or minutes per day. I don't make them do that many days per week. I don't make them work above what they are capable of doing. She just doesn't want to do what she doesn't want to do. It's frustrating, aggravating and draining.
I repeated my rules to her several times today when she was not doing schoolwork - no yelling, screaming or hurting of people, you do your work. We'll see how tomorrow goes. I am not optimistic. The only thing that worked today was telling her she was staying in her room until she started working. And for every 30 min in there, she lost 50 cents of allowance. I hate playing that game, but I am out of other options.
When I saw Stella, there was already fire in her eyes. Her brow was furrowed, her chin tilted down defiantly. She yelled, "why do we always have to start school just because you get up!" Realize, at this point, I was simply hoping to use the bathroom and hadn't said one word. Things went downhill from there. We spent 5, yes 5, hours going round and round about her 1 section of math (2 pages), 3 pages of English (identifying which letters should be capitalized) and 5 pages of geography (not full pages, mind you, pictures filled up most of the space.) This amount of work, if you did it slowly, might take an hour. But she had to yell, throw fits, scream, kick, scratch, cry and shriek over the injustice of it all. Why couldn't she do one thing an hour? She couldn't do it because I kept talking. How could she work when Sandis was breathing?
I laid down the law. This was over. It was her fault and no one else's that her work wasn't done. If someone was bothering her, she could go in a room by herself with her work, there were many choices. If it was too hard, she could ask for help. There would be no more yelling or screaming or hurting of people. She is expected to do her school work and her chores. If she can't do that, I can start calling schools and find one for her.
My expectations are not that high. I don't make them do that much in volume or minutes per day. I don't make them do that many days per week. I don't make them work above what they are capable of doing. She just doesn't want to do what she doesn't want to do. It's frustrating, aggravating and draining.
I repeated my rules to her several times today when she was not doing schoolwork - no yelling, screaming or hurting of people, you do your work. We'll see how tomorrow goes. I am not optimistic. The only thing that worked today was telling her she was staying in her room until she started working. And for every 30 min in there, she lost 50 cents of allowance. I hate playing that game, but I am out of other options.
Today might be Friday but it's not an end of the week celebration for me. Friday nights I work, and Saturday morning too. Plus this weekend is chaos weekend.
After that, it gets easier. We don't have anything scheduled after soccer until Monday morning quasi-school (which Stella may or may not miss, depending on if she can tolerate driving straight through or not.) Sunday will be a wonderful Sandis & mommy day :)
- Brian and Stella fly to Wisconsin to retrieve our new-to-us-but-really-quite-old car that his parents are giving us (yeah in-laws, they are wonderful and generous and I love them.) Today we have to pack and get them to their shuttle. They started out complaining about packing but now are actually done, hooray!
- Because Brian will be gone and I have to work, Sandis is going to a sleepover tonight.
- Of course, she has soccer tomorrow and I have to work, so it gets more complicated. I got someone to cover part of my shift so I can get off, run to her sleepover and pick her up, then zip straight from there to soccer.
- We wouldn't want it to be that easy though, so it's her day to bring snack for soccer! I have to somehow have cut up all the apples and oranges for halftime - but not too early, you know, because otherwise they'll be dried out. Oh, and keep the drinks chilled too.
- Thankfully, I did work ahead and ran to the store during her practice yesterday to pick up the snack supplies (can you believe I remembered?!) Good thing too as I have no car today because Brian's broke down AGAIN last night.
After that, it gets easier. We don't have anything scheduled after soccer until Monday morning quasi-school (which Stella may or may not miss, depending on if she can tolerate driving straight through or not.) Sunday will be a wonderful Sandis & mommy day :)
Lest you think I'm trying to portray myself as perfect or that my parenting/homeschooling journey is all rainbows and unicorns and flowers, this is what I posted on Facebook today:
And I thought this video posted by my friend in response was hilarious!
- Stella, "I'm making a pile of all things stupid and hard. Cleaning isn't hard but it's in the stupidness pile."
- Stella, "This math is to hard." Me, "that's not math, it's..." Stella, "it doesn't matter it's stupid"
- Stella, all sugary sweet, "if I finish my school work, can we go to the store for m&ms?" Me, "if you can do your school work and chores without being a butt..." Stella, "nah, can't do that."
And I thought this video posted by my friend in response was hilarious!
Today was a perfect, absolutely perfect, day to be outside. Sunny but cool and crisp with just a hint of autumn in the air and a few leaves beginning to scatter themselves on the ground. The fall perennials were showing off their magnificent blooms just daring those summer flowers to say they are the best. It was pinks and purples and oranges and yellows exploding from the flower bed.
So what do we do on the perfect day? We attend High Plains History Fest, of course! A fellow homeschooling mom has set up oodles of field trips for NCHA and this was one of them. The Greeley Centennial Village is transformed back in time 100 years and volunteers come and show the kids how many things were done then. You can never see all the exhibits/demonstrations in one day, it's simply impossible, but we were able to take in quite a few. We did/saw:
After the History Fest, the girls got hair feathers from a Groupon deal we had gotten. We made it back home in time to have an hour before we head out to a play at the Library. Greek and Norse mythology in some short plays put on by the Library's Theater Pals, at least one of whom we know. Should be fun. And we should be more than ready for bed tonight!
So what do we do on the perfect day? We attend High Plains History Fest, of course! A fellow homeschooling mom has set up oodles of field trips for NCHA and this was one of them. The Greeley Centennial Village is transformed back in time 100 years and volunteers come and show the kids how many things were done then. You can never see all the exhibits/demonstrations in one day, it's simply impossible, but we were able to take in quite a few. We did/saw:
- Lonetree School house - experiencing what school would have been like in a one-room schoolhouse, complete an explanation with how early you had to get up to get chores done, how far you had to walk to get there, how there was 1 reader for the entire 6th grade class, etc.
- Trolley - a refurbished trolley and how it would have run
- Telephone - how a crank phone worked
- Fire house
- Printing press - this was fascinating. The man doing this exhibit went into great detail about how printing worked then, all while keeping the kids interested and engaged. They all received a card printed on the press as well
- Blacksmith - always a favorite
- Corn shelling
- Potatoes - a visit to the Monfort house and a short talk on the history of potato farming in CO
- Corn grinding - on rocks with rocks!
- Chuck wagon - a tale of cowboys, their food preparation and branding of cattle
- Washing - everyone washed a sock on a washboard and rung in out in a ringer before hanging it to dry
- Tortilla making - hand made flour tortillas
After the History Fest, the girls got hair feathers from a Groupon deal we had gotten. We made it back home in time to have an hour before we head out to a play at the Library. Greek and Norse mythology in some short plays put on by the Library's Theater Pals, at least one of whom we know. Should be fun. And we should be more than ready for bed tonight!
See while we are unschooly, I still crave order. Yes, it's mostly chaos but in an effort to make my life simpler, I created a document to organize what the kids (and family) do for each day. Things do tend to go better when they know what's on the agenda. Less whining to watch tv. I don't mind free play and exploration (in fact, I LOVE that) but I don't like vegging in front of the tv or computer or kids fighting with each other. And see, the schedule is flexible - we can fill in whatever there is to do! Tomorrow there is no schoolwork, only a field trip, hair feathers appt and a play. :)
We'll see how well it works/how long it lasts. Stella will hate it, I'm sure. Though she'll enjoy the highlighting.
We'll see how well it works/how long it lasts. Stella will hate it, I'm sure. Though she'll enjoy the highlighting.
Day: ______________________________________________________________________________
highlight completed items
| Morning things | Brush teeth, comb hair, put on deodorant, get dressed, eat breakfast, feed/water dog |
| Schoolwork |
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| Chores | Clean kid stuff off kitchen table and floor |
| Pick up all kid stuff from living room and hall and put away | |
| Straighten up bedroom | |
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| Evening | Feed/water dog |
| Do dishes | |
| Get clothes for tomorrow | |
| Last call for food at 9:00 |