Yes, it's true. I'm fat. Overweight. Unhealthy BMI. You name it, I'm it.
And you know what else? That is not likely to change.
I really don't know. Seriously. My body has decided that I will be this way no matter what I do.
"Surely, you jest," you say, "just eat less, exercise more." Or maybe, "eat the right things. Try paleo." Or, "try doing..." Ok, STFU, you. I've tried it.
Don't think I've tried it? Check this list. It's what I've tried over the past several years.
- Writing down everything I eat
- Measure/weigh everything I eat
- Weight Watchers
- HCG diet (where you take a homeopathic and eat like 5 things)
- Tracking all food/exercise
- Couch to 5K
- Seeing a nutritionist
- Eating more
- Eating less
- Eating more protein
- Eating a Mediterranean diet (similar to paleo)
- Taking various supplements
- Having various blood work done
And probably some more things I've forgotten. Numbers 8-13 were under the advice and guidance of a nutritionist and my doctor this year (as was the HCG thing, but that was yrs ago.) I started seeing them about my weight on Valentine's day 2013 at 248lbs. I had kept a diary of what I'd eaten. First pass we tried adding more protein and having more and smaller meals. Over time, when my weight didn't change, we tried adding more calories, since I was kind of low. Then we added some supplements and cut out more carbs. Then we went to almost no carbs, some blood work and more supplements. All the while tracking all of my food religiously on my iPod. After 5 months, I'd lost 4 pounds.
When my nephew passed away in June, I was unable to cope with this anymore. I couldn't try more things to help me not lose weight. I needed to heal, and food was one of my crutches. I used that crutch. I ate whatever was handy because feeding myself was too much of a chore. I couldn't be bothered to think about supplements or carbs, and dammit, I needed some chocolate.
More time passed and it was time for my yearly doctor's visit. I weighed in last week. Weighed in after 3.5 months of unmonitored eating.
I give up.
So, the next person I hear talk about fat people like they are lazy or selfish or shouldn't enjoy food or any other derogatory statement, well, that person might just get bitch-slapped into next week. Some of us have tried and truly cannot help what our weight has become. I've tried to work my ass off, but my ass is staying put whether I like it or not. I will have to learn to live in and clothe this body that I have because, obviously, it's not going anywhere anytime soon.
Maybe someday I will learn to love it as well.