Avoidance tactics 101



Stella will do anything to delay doing dishes.  It really is the bane of her existence, those 15 daily minutes I make her do something she doesn't choose to do.  In order to pay me back for my evil domination of her, she makes the task take at least an hour.  Yeah, she showed me!

Here are today's delay tactics:

  • find a moth.  With a hurt wing.  Insist on keeping as a pet. Be obsessed with finding the perfect home for it because even though it can't fly, it may learn to fly, so something simple just. won't. do.  Demand that it travel with you everywhere on every car trip.  Become affronted when your mother says that said moth will die before we travel to Wisconsin again. Realize the moth has escaped from your hand and flown away.
  • let the dogs out.  Let the dogs in.  Let one dog out while keeping one in to talk smushysmushyIloveyoudoggiewoggie to it.  Switch dogs so the other can be assaulted by the smushywoshylove.
  • find a plastic bowl with scratches. Decide that those are cracks that just haven't cracked all the way through yet so it should be recycled.  Argue with your mother over the keepability of this bowl.  Note: putting it away would totally NOT have taken less time.
  • find a miniscule former sliver on your thumb.  Maintain that you are in excruciating pain that you just happened to notice.  Assert that you can't possibly continue with all of this horrible pain.  When your mother decides you are fine, create an elaborate hand bandage for the alleged wound.  This bandage includes toilet paper, paper towels, various kinds of tape and, I believe, unicorn tears.  Hunting down unicorns and making them cry takes time, mother!
  • break plastic spoon while doing physics experiments to see how far it would bend.  If she was really a scientist, she would be writing down data and replicating - I'm on to you, Stella!
  • give helpful advice to sister.  Overheard, "FYI, Sandis, don't try and sharpen butter knives, it doesn't work.  Plastic knives are even worse."

Finally she finished.  When she came in the living room wearing only underwear, I asked, "Aren't you cold?"  She responded by wrapping herself up in a sheet and saying, in an accusatory tone, "Well, I couldn't wear this while doing dishes, now could I?"

When I pointed out she could have worn clothes, she exclaimed with shocked indignance, "What are you talking about?! I don't wear clothes, clothes are boring."






This is your friendly reminder to vote. All you do is click, which takes you to the website where you then do nothing. Or you can do something, but you don't have to do something. It's easy. Thanks :)

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